


Given The Time

by fanforfanatic



Series: Destiel Drabbles [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Castiel/Dean Winchester Drabble(s), Dean Winchester Has Issues, Dean Winchester and Feelings, Drabble, Hurt Dean Winchester, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 16:56:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10495416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanforfanatic/pseuds/fanforfanatic
Summary: A sleepy Dean thinks of Cas. 12x15 coda of sorts.





	

When Dean is a certain kind of tired, the kind where his blood pumps wildly and his muscles clench suddenly, without his consent, and it’s his mind that’s weary and drained, he’ll have Cas lay down with him in bed. But only ever in the confines of his own head.

Dean wonders, as the figment of his imagination eases some of his aches, generating fresh ones all the while, if he’d ever really ask Cas to lay with him, given the chance. 

If Cas was still around.

He’d had occasion before. Every time they returned to one another after being lost to some figurative or literal hell. He could have done it then. In those moments of violent relief, where they got proof of the other’s safety. In those moments, when it was okay to touch because Dean was verifying Cas’ wellbeing. It was okay to hug because that's what homecomings were for.

Maybe, he’d known, each time, that another opportunity would present itself. Despite the odds, despite the unlikeliness, Dean had known, on some level, that they couldn’t be parted for long. That they’d find each other somehow. Just like how now, on some level, Dean knows that Cas is gone for good. They won’t be getting one more reunion. The last one had been their last.

Which makes the point, of whether or not Dean would act on his wants, moot.

Laying with a phantom of Cas, constructed out of memories and bits of Dean that are now the holes in his soul, is calming, at least. It makes him the kind of tired where he could fall asleep, given the time.

In his dreams, Cas is still with him. Dean doubts it’s ever the real Cas visiting, checking in on him from Heaven, watching him in his sleep like the angel had once made a habit of doing. He hopes it, though.

Despite the uncertainty, even in his dreams, Dean doesn’t dare ask Cas to do it. It’d be simple enough.  _ Cas, lay down with me. _ But they’re words that would mean something else entirely. It’d be Dean asking Cas to stay.  _ Cas, come back _ . Dean doesn’t want the answer. Because what if it really is Cas watching over him? What if the answer is  _ no _ ?

Cas wasn’t ripped away from him this time. It wasn’t a monster of the week, or the big bad of the season. There wasn’t a big battle, a big sacrifice, a big goodbye where their only prayers were for the other’s survival.

No, Cas chose to walk away. Cas chose Heaven. After nearly a decade of the angel picking him over his own home, his own family, maybe Dean had assumed that’s how it would always be. Dean thought that somewhere along the way he had become those things for Cas.

He was wrong, of course. 

Since when does Dean Winchester get to keep the ones he loves for long, anyway? Since when do they not leave him? It was only a matter of time. Had been from the start.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](https://fanforfanatic.tumblr.com/)


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